sidebar: i'm 23, today's the 23rd of january, i'm obsessed with vegan baking, and i've also considered mueller college & culinary school TWILIGHT ZONE

i had one of those...WHOA...full circle moments tonight. i was introduced to tristan prettyman and her music through mraz about my sophomore or junior year of high school. 2003ish? i quickly downloaded all the live shows i could find on archive and listened to them non-stop. i soon had favorites of each song, made mix cds of them all. i shoved her music down my friends throats, all though i'm not sure any of them ever really caught on...

i bought her album 'twenty-three' when it came out and i went to see her play in nashville in december of 2005. her grandmother had passed away that day and i rememeber being so touched by her willingness to perform. it showed her perserverance and gave her an opportunity to sing her heart out just for her grandma. at least that's how i saw it. it was an excellent performance.

as time went by and i continued to grow restless in indiana, i would listen to her music and could sing word for word each song. i could hear the album in my head as i sang, pausing for rests and breaks in the percussion. it's unnerving how well i can do that with any song. if the world could hear the radio inside my head...

in february of last year, i made an epic journey with my dearest friend, my kindred spirit, allie to california. we explored san francisco, los angeles, and san diego together. san diego seemed to fit like a glove for my soul and when we went to get on our departing flights, i told her "i can't go back home. it's just not the place for me." the magnetic pull i had been feeling my entire life was now tugging at me twenty-four hours a day, saying "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!" as we said goodbye, allie said "why don't you just move to ann arbor, at least until you can move west, it'll be a change." what a brilliant idea...why not? so we said "see you soon", not goodbye. ten days later, i broke the lease to my apartment in downtown indianapolis and had to beg my family to help me move in the cold march wind. in june of 2008 i met kevin at a party at the black elk co-op house where he lived. we haven't been apart since. as we began to get to know each other that first few days, we revealed a few things to each other: we were both libras, music was our passion; our air, and we were both feeling a spiritually pull west. he to sebastopol, and i to los angeles for a bit, then on to san diego; universe permitting.

we left august 8th, 2008 which was the nine year anniversary of my brother tyce's death. tragic as it was, my brother's death has taught me more about life, living, my soul and my spirit than anything else. life is a gift of which we are to cherish every moment and to stop living because his time was up, seemed physically impossible to me. i felt like i had been given a huge injustice when he was killed, and while my heart still aches for him, there was something greater telling me that it was okay to move on. that greater things were ahead of me, but i had to be patient. my love for him still exists and my spiritual connection with the universe has grown tremendously since his death. and for that, i am grateful for the opportunity to move on, and what better way to pay omage to him, than to make what was for so long, a sad day in my mind...a GREAT day forever etched into my memory.

by now, you probably know that kev and i hitchhiked to california. we made it safely and had a great trip. i've been living in california since august 12th and it's still like waking up to a dream. the reality of being so near to the ocean and being in an environment where i feel right at home is a bit of a daily shock. does this place really exist? am i really here? i didn't plan on living in san diego so soon, i thought it'd at least be a year. as a fan of mraz, i've been following his music for about seven or eight years. throughout the community he has created for himself, he's in turn exposed me to many artists that have had a significant impact on me with their music.

so this brings us back to tristan and her music. tonight i saw her for the second time. i checked my email before i left home and i had a notification that she had written a new blog on myspace. in it she spoke about how she wasn't sure if music was what she wanted to keep doing or not. i identified strongly with this because i myself go back and forth nearly everyday about what my 'plan' is. (p.s. there is no plan. silly me) i also identified with her vegan baking and cooking she said she'd been doing lately. fast forward to being at mueller college tonight:

there were three openers, but the third, brian benham, was simply angelic. he was very inspiring. he said that tristan was the reason he started playing music and he played an excellent set. i can't wait to hear more from him, he is doing great with his music. (he's also really, really endearing and adorable!) tristan came out and made the comment that she hasn't really been playing since she got done with the tour for her album 'hello' in november. that she's not sure if she wants to play music anymore, yada, yada.

as she began to play and she played new and old songs...all i could think was "it would be a sad, bitter day if she stopped playing." immediately i was transcended back to when i would listen to her music daily, and sometimes it would help me get through whatever was bringing my 18, 19 or 20 year old self down. i had that moment of realization when i recognized the significance of the moment i was in. here i was, living in san diego, doing my weekly thing...going to see live music. and now, here i was listening to someone who's music had a much larger effect on me than i previously realized, say that she wasn't sure that it was what she wanted to be doing anymore.

heartwrenching is the only word that comes to my mind. music is a song filled with energy emitted from one soul to another. and i feel as though those who started playing music for the love of it, even if they haven't yet topped the charts or have to had to deal with the ins and outs of the music business, touching at least one person should be worth it to keep playing. as she went on tristan said she realized while playing tonight that it is the only thing she wants to keep doing for the rest of her life.

thank goodness.

tristan, if you're out there, reading this, thank you. from me and brian benham. his music spoke to my soul tonight and it's because YOU inspired him to start playing. what a gift you have given to him and to the rest of the world, not only through your own song, but now, through brian's . i think the best of us get burnt out and want to spend our days trying new things. i know i do. what's important is to do what makes us feel like we're standing on top of the world on a day to day basis, while not worrying about yesterday or tomorrow. vegan donuts one day, massage school the next. but please, don't ever stop playing music, even if all you're playing for is me, the cat, and your mailbox.

see you at the potluck? :)